One more week to go!!! Steven will officially be coming home next week (if all goes as planned- which I've learned doesn't mean a whole lot in the military). Making plans is like turning a frog into a prince :) However, I have my fingers crossed!
During the time he has been away I have been reading Faith Deployed by Jocelyn Green. Even though Steven has not been deployed- the book focuses on the whole "going away-lonliness-strength" aspect of it all. Tonight, especially, I felt like the author was speaking directly to me.
Since Steven has been gone I have constantly tried to make myself "on the go" or being sure I hang around positive people, etc. I have come to realize that no matter how exciting the day has been that at the end of the day... it's quiet. Tonight it is quiet... It's 12:00AM and I am wide awake. And as much as I try to close my eyes and go to sleep- I think of Steven. I think about his flight tomorrow and whether or not he will pass. I think about whether or not he will remember everything he has studied the day before. I think about whether or not he will be able to land the plane safely. I think about his IP (instructor pilot) and pray that he is a great teacher. I think about what it will be like the instant I see him in the airport. I think about how it will feel just to have him close again and know & see that he is truly okay. I just constantly think...
"Be still and know that I am God."
As I was reading tonight... it became so clear to me. The author writes, "And yet, the Lord told me, 'You don't need to be always in on the action. Go to the lonely places like Christ did.' That's when I really grow close to the Lord." One writer says this: "Strength is in quietness. The lake must be calm if the Heavens are to be reflected on its surface."
How often we as humans run from the quietness... I know that I do at times. But tonight I have learned that it is okay to just be still. Tonight gave me a moment to take time and instead of my brain constantly running over with worry I prayed. I prayed for strength, courage, and comfort to get Steven and I through this time. And I know that God will make a way!
The "quietness" also gave me time to thank Jesus. I look back at my life one year ago and wonder what it would be like now if nothing had changed. I would be down the darkest of roads imaginable. I thank God for allowing Steven to come into my life. He has shown me that love is worth fighting for in every way. I had given up, and I was completely content with that. Then God stepped in and showed me that "being content" was not good enough. And now I am happier than I have ever been. Steven is truly a blessing to me, and I thank God each day for allowing me to share my heart with him.
Like I said before... he has changed me. Love is not lost nor will it ever be! This is just a small portion of the email Steven sent to me tonight that I wanted to share... and I did "OK" this with him first before posting :)
...Now here I am. At Doss Aviation in Pueblo Colorado. This time has been the most trying on me mentally and emotionally. I miss you terribly each day but your support has kept me going and continues to give me new motivation. Talking to you makes a bad day good and a good day better. People say I lose sleep by staying up and skyping, but I wont sleep if I dont get to talk to you. So really I am gaining sleep. You have been my rock here and it has meant the world to me.
I say all of that to say this. Its been three months. The three best months of my life. Sure its a short time period. 90 days give or a take a couple. But it has changed the person I am. I survived a tornado that should have killed me, I graduated, I entered active duty into the military, and more importantly, I found the person that I am going to share forever with. I think about you before I go to bed, and I think about you when I wake up, and constantly in between. You mean the world to me and I promise to do nothing but give you the very best of me until the day we leave this earth. We have something special. Something we both have said many people never get to experience, and I want you to know that not a second goes by that I take that for granted. I thank God every day for what we have, and more importantly for what we will continue to have. He had a special plan for us all along, and it has been the best experience of my life watching it come full circle.
I love you with all of my heart. I am thankful for you every second of every day. I pray for us constantly, and I cant wait to see what God has in store for us in the future. Look at where the past three months have led us. The lifetime that is ahead of us can only be that much better. I am in this for the long haul, and I cant wait to go through life with you.
I'm sorry I can't spend this day with you, but I look forward to all of the days in the future that I will get to share with you. I promise you, though, that no matter where I am or what day it is, you will never be unsure of how I feel towards you. The answer will always be the same. I love you more than I did yesterday, and I will love you more tomorrow than I do today.
-Steven
